There are times...

I've always had a soft spot for this hymn but I'm really enjoying it a lot right now. May the Lord continue to work in our hearts, softening the hard earth each day. His job is not easy but He is that patient labourer who endures and does not give up until that hardened, rocky, thorny earth bears much fruit.

There are times in my life

There are times in my life when my heart is embittered,

There are questions unanswered, yet You’re drawing me

To enter into Your blessed sanctuary,

And turning my eyes heavenward,

The questions of constant inquiry are changed to these words:

“Whom do I have in heaven but You, dear Jehovah?

My flesh and my heart constantly fail,

But God, still the strength of my heart and my portion,

To Him forever I’ll draw near,

I’ve made Jehovah my sweet refuge

So now throughout the years:

Turn my view to see You,

How I need to see Jesus!

Though I don’t understand the ways that You take,

Lord, make me a babe and suckling, always praising,

Enjoying Your worth day by day,

Let each experience constitute me

So Your life I’ll display in every way.”

None of self, and all of Thee

I have been enjoying this hymn so much. It really shows the Lord's step by step work in us. Our transformation is not instantaneous, it's a daily process, but each day it must be our reality. I see how much I need to be captured by my Lord each and every day, how much He still needs to grow in me, and how I need to love Him today so much more than yesterday.

Oh, the bitter shame and sorrow,
That a time could ever be,
When I let the Saviour's pity
Plead in vain, and proudly answered,
All of self, and none of Thee,
All of self, and none of Thee.

Yet He found me, I beheld Him
Bleeding on the cursed tree;
Heard Him pray, Forgive them, Father.
And my wistful heart said faintly,
Some of self, and some of Thee,
Some of self, and some of Thee.

Day by day His tender mercy,
Healing, helping, full and free,
Sweet and strong, and ah! so patient,
Brought me lower while I whispered,
Less of self, and more of Thee,
Less of self, and more of Thee.

Higher than the highest heavens,
Deeper than the deepest sea,
Lord, Thy love at last hath conquered;
Grant me now my heart's petition,
None of self, and all of Thee,
None of self, and all of Thee.

Lord, may this be our reality: None of self and all of Thee.

Nothing to say but...

What can I say except Jesus is our beloved Lord!
This is my enjoyment.

Lord keep me in Your will

I'm posting the lyrics of song I heard and enjoyed. It's called "Keep Me In Your Will" by Melissa Jo Elliott.

Keep Me In Your Will

Sometimes I think I'm in control
And I act so foolishly
Facing problems on my own
I don't know what's best for me
My mistakes at times disturb
All the plans you have made
Lord, keep me in your will
So, I won't be in your way

And, put me where you want to
Not where I want to be
If I should ask, for things I want
Just give me what I need
When I complain from time to time
Forgive me Lord I pray
Lord keep me in your will
So I won't be in your way

Remind me Lord, I'm just a glove
In which you place your hand
Not my will, but your's be done
Though I don't understand
The best laid plans I've made
Somehow always go astray
Lord keep me in your will
So I won't be in your way

And put me where you want to
Not where I want to be
If I should ask for things I want
Just give me what I need
When I complain from time to time
Forgive me Lord I pray
Lord keep me in your will
So I won't be in your way

I need you dear Lord
I need you each and every day
Lord keep me in your will
So I won't be in your way
Just keep me in your will
So I won't be in your way

The Lord knows us better than we know ourselves. He also knows what's best for us. Hallelujah!

Getting to know the Lord and learning to hear His voice

It's been a while...the truth is it's really hard sometimes to actually express what's going on inside of you on paper...or in this case online. The Lord's ways of working are so mysterious that many times you can't even sense it or acknowledge it, and when you do it's so subtle that it's almost unexplainable. It's funny because truthfully I have realized during these past few weeks that only those who have actually experienced certain struggles or different things as a Christian are the only ones really able to understand where you are coming from. Not that everyone else doesn't try to or doesn't care to, they do, but you can tell by looking at them that they can't fully understand your feelings, your fears, your struggle, your joy, your peace or your decision-making, no matter how hard they try.

I've come to realize how important fellowship among the saints is, whether "good" or "bad", whether it's encouraging or not so much, whether it seems to be very spiritual or not even too spiritual, maybe just practical, but regardless it's so important in our Christian life. We can't live without the Body of Christ; we will not survive as Christians even if we are doing everything else right. It reminds me of that verse and hymn that says, "I live if you stand firm in the Lord, you live if I stand firm in the Lord. My going on is for you, your going on is for me; not separate entities, I need you saints desperately." I do need you saints desperately. Now having said that, I'm also beginning to experience the importance of things that are just between you and the Lord. I don't know why but there is one particular thing that I've felt the Lord kind of constrain me to keep between to two of us...it's kind of funny because I don't really know why, but I know there must be a reason for it and so that's the way it will be then (by His grace). Honestly, I've kind of struggled with it; I've struggled to not share it with the sisters I'm most close to in fellowship (I guess that's my natural self), but every time I'm about to say something I get the same feeling to not share it. Who knows what the Lord is planning? All i know is that it never fails to be perfect according to His plan; maybe not mine, but His for sure.

One big thing I'm slowly learning (which again is really hard to describe) is to hear and discern the Lord's voice. If I'm not wrong, we all seem to struggle with this at some point or another. The questions in your mind go something like this: "Is that the Lord? Lord, I don't know if this is you. What if this is me and I just think it's You? I don't really think that you would say this Lord...I think this is just me. How do I KNOW if this speaking is from You or the enemy or my own thoughts? Lord!!!" And so we become really frustrated because we want to follow the Lord but we honestly have no idea what He's speaking. However, I'm learning a few things lately, through fellowship, through reading spiritual books and the Bible itself, through a few experiences that I can look back on and see the Lord's hand in, and even through current experiences and thoughts that run through my mind constantly. I've realized the Lord really is a God who hides Himself. (If any one reading this is interested, [although I know no one really reads this except you Joy haha, and you already read it] but if someone happens to, I really recommend reading a booklet by brother Witness Lee called "A God Who Hides Himself"). This wonderful God of ours often does not like to make a show out of Himself; He is very hidden and secretive but very hard at work in each of our lives. And it's just this way that He also speaks; His speaking is often so very secretive. In my experience, it often comes as thoughts in my mind, things that are almost random but they won't leave and that's when I find myself in such a struggle to discover if it's God's speaking or not. I found the story of Elijah to be a true encouragement (1 Kings 19: 9b-18). The Lord said "What are you doing here Elijah?" Elijah was in a cave, very upset because it seemed that everyone had forsaken the covenant of God and bowed down to idols; Elijah wanted Jehovah to fully manifest Himself. So, the Lord in His wisdom, gave Elijah a demonstration. As brother Lee describes it, quoting the Bible:
"There arose 'a great and strong wind.' Elijah thought: The Lord is in this! 'But the Lord was not in the wind.' Elijah thought: Surely the Lord is in this! 'But the Lord was not in the earthquake.' Then came a fire, and Elijah thought: The Lord is a consuming fire; He'll be in this! 'But the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire, a gentle, quiet voice' - and the Lord was in that!"
WOW! The Lord was not in these great manifestations, but He was is this whisper! This is my experience so many times and I just realize that I have to stop being afraid of making a mistake and misjudging the Lord's voice because if I miss the opportunity to follow His speaking I'm at a great loss; but I make the mistake to think it's the Lord and it's not, at least I'll know later and I can repent before the Lord like Peter did so many times and learn from my mistake. That's the worst that can happen, really.

Furthermore, Elijah had said to the Lord, "I, even I only, am left." But as the brother goes on to say, the Lord very gently answered, "There are seven thousand persons who have not bowed down to Baal." The Lord had been working all along and Elijah hadn't seen it! "So hidden was his activity, [that] not even the prophet Elijah knew anything about it." It's amazing to know that He's always hard at work even if He's not in these great manifestations we expect. I know I often want the Lord to just speak in a loud voice out of the sky and tell me exactly what to do, but then again what kind of faith would that require? The Lord wants me to believe and have faith in the feelings He gives me; He wants me to walk by faith and not by appearance; not by what looks "right" but by what I feel in my heart that He is telling me He wants. And once I go through with it, the very subtle peace He give is also a confirmation of His speaking (though this one too is hard to distinguish sometimes.) Figuring out what the Lord is saying and what His will is seems to take an entire lifetime to figure out I've realized, but that's okay. I guess that the point to which we are all striving for in maturity will be the same point where we will be able to fully recognize His voice all the time and carry out His speaking and will without hesitation or reservation because we will have fully experienced the sovereignty of the Almighty God.

O the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgements and untraceable His ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has become His councelor? Or who has first given to Him, and it will be repaid to Him? Because out from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To him be the glory forever. Amen
Romans 11:33-36

I still believe

This is a song that has been really encouraging me. I've been reminded of our Lord's faithfulness today, and I've really appreciated that no matter what happens He's always there. Despite my feelings, despite the hardships, no matter how hard things get, He's always there; all I have to do is believe. This is the walk of faith, the walk of one who loves Christ. I still believe....I believe in You Lord and in Your faithfulness.

Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start
But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare
But its now, that I feel, your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

Well the only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers well in brokenness
I can see that this was your will for me
Help me to know that you are near

I still believe in your faithfulness
I still believe in your truth
I still believe in your holy word
Even when I don't see, I still believe

I still believe...

["I still believe" by Jeremy Camp]

The Christian Life is a Fight, a Good Fight

I'm trading my sorrows...I'm trading my cares....I'm trading my sickness...I'm laying them down for the joy of the Lord.
This is a song I was just listening to. This is something that I just want to cry out to my God, crying out in His name, calling, asking Him to hear my cry. I'm letting it all go for the joy of the Lord. There is another song I was listening to today from a movie (which is really odd), but it really touched my heart. In one part a girl just starts singing but in a very strong, like crying-out-to-the-Lord way, and I felt exactly like her. I felt like I just wanted to scream my lungs out and ask Him, "FATHER, CAN YOU HEAR ME?? BECAUSE I CAN'T DO THIS BY MYSELF!!!!" I just feel like I need Him so much, I feel so desperate. I feel like Paul describes, "pressed on every side...unable to find the way out...persecuted...cast down..." I feel like I'm being attacked in such a strong way by the enemy; I've truly never felt this way before. And it's hard, it's very hard. It's specially hard when you feel like you're on top of the world one day and the next you feel defeated. And this is how I've felt the past few days, utterly defeated, and it's like I can't get back up again. I'm willing to fight, but I hardly find the strength; the reality of the verses in Ephesians where the Bible states that we are not fighting against mere flesh and blood but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world-rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil, against the enemy himself, is becoming my experience right now. I've cried out to the Lord with utter desperation and although I know there is still a struggle in me, I feel He's little by little showing me He's with me. This is what I need, I just need to know He's with me and I know I'll be okay. So I'm encouraged to know we have the spiritual armor of God to fight this war; the Lord has given us everything we need, and He is with us. He is with me. The verses I mentioned above, the context in which Paul is writing is one of encouragement. He says, "We are pressed on every side but not constricted; unable to find a way out but not utterly without a way out; persecuted but not abandoned; cast down but not destroyed..." (2 Corinthians 4:7-9). These are so incredibly encouraging. The Lord never said it was going to be easy; on the contrary, He goes out of His way many times to warn us about how difficult and painful it is to follow Him. He Himself even said, "Do not think I have come to bring peace on the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword." (Matt. 10:34). He's given each of us a sword to fight for Him with, we just have to be trained in using it. People don't just spontaneously know how to handle a sword the first time they pick one up, at first it's heavy and difficult to dominate, but with practice they learn, the more they are trained to use it the better they become. So now I'm being trained, I'm being trained to fight as a soldier for my Lord. I still have a lot to learn, but I will not give up because I am a young person and the young ones are strong and the word of God abides in them and they have overcome the evil one. (John 2:14b)

Jesus is our only God, Lord and King. Amen.